You see what happened was this:
(Last Thursday) I decided I needed a spray tan for last weekend's wedding we attended. I called numerous tanning beds in North Little Rock to see if anyone had time to airbrush me or had a VersaSpa. Everyone was either booked or had shanky spray booths and I don't like shankiness. I found a tanning "salon" in Little Rock who has a VersaSpa- SCORE!! I decided to go on Friday, super last minute.
I drove my happy ass to West Little Rock at lunch Friday to go to the fab VersaSpa. There was a 20 minute wait so I decided to go fill up my car with gas. I get back. The VersaSpa is now broken. Sweet! I need a freakin' spray tan people so I'm going to get one if it kills me. I swear it almost did but I'll get to that in a minute. I drive to Maumelle because my trusty friend at NLR tanning salon #1 told me there was a place in Maumelle next to Beef O'Bradys that has a VersaSpa but he didn't know the name.. I drove there. They didn't have one. They have a Mystic Tan that was also broken. What is it with these spray booths? Are they hard to maintain??
I then drive back to NLR to another tanning salon that has a spray booth that was in working condition- The Mystic Tan experience ensued.
When you are a new purchaser of Mystic Tan they show you a 5 minute long video. That should have been warning sign number one. I watched the video and then went into my room to spread barrier cream all over my appendages and ears. I spot a sign talking about DHA (the color in tanning junk) and how the FDA has cleared it for use but hasn't conducted a study on how it affects you in an airbrush fashion.. Basically they know it's safe if you spread it on your body but not sure if it is when you close yourself in a 5 foot square box and inhale, ingest, and taste the stuff. warning sign number two. I then spot a sign talking about purchasing nose plugs.. Huh? I thought they gave those to you- I just decided to not breathe while in the booth. Can't be that hard to hold your breath for 30 seconds right? WRONG!! I couldn't have been more wrong.
Recap: The door closes, the timer starts ticking and the automated woman is still talking but I can't hear her because the door is closed.. Ahh! I'm getting scared. It starts- it's cold, and I'm trying to not breathe but unlike the VersaSpa that does one smooth spraying motion (much like an elevator going up... and then down), the Mystic Tan goes up and down, up and down, up and down. I can't get a breathe! And then I do- and I gag and get really really concerned at how sick it feels in my throat and mouth.. I try to crack my eyes open to see where the motion is- Is it going up or down? Do I have enough time to breathe without it crossing my face? That ensures I get an eye-full of mist. Not only are my eyes burning now, I know that I am officially going to die in this beauty gas chamber and that these are my last few breathes. Luckily I turned and had enough time to breathe through my hands to get my lungs full of
Looking back- This experience has taught me to only spray tan in the safe environment of VersaSpa or airbrush.
I will leave you all with a video from a great Friends episode. I've told three people about last week's spray tanning fiasco and each then brings up this video- Must watch it!