Back in the old days (I'm thinking the 50's and 60's) flying was glamorous. I am convinced that it was still mildly fun up until the mid-90's. Nowadays, as travelers we are subjected to X-Ray machines that show you nearly naked on a screen to an airport security guard with no sense of humor, something that I think is a very important piece of personality if you see naked Americans on a daily basis.. Not pretty... We also have to pay to check our luggage, to then be crammed into seats with two square feet of "personal space" zones. Also not pretty.. The point of this story is that with all that treatment above, we shouldn't have to deal with freak-show flight attendants. Enter Boudreax. With a name like Boudreax, one can assume he is cajun and from Louisiana. And he was. DUHHHH.
Boudreax served as the flight attendant for our Denver to Gunnison flight. Brady and I had the privilege of sitting in seats 1A and 2A (positioned one in front of the other on the left hand side of the plane). When we received our seat arrangements we thought "score!! We'll get to leave the plane first". Joke was on us. We did in fact get to leave the plane first after it landed but we also were subjected to Boudreax for the entire flight. I am certain he became a flight attendant for the sole purpose of having a microphone in front of a 100+ audience that is trapped for 1+ hour time frames. I would put money on it. He also smelled like fast food onions and body odor.
My style of flight attendant is the "let's do the safety protocol demonstration super fast, then everyone will sit down, shut up, and I will pass out drinks".
His style was, "I'm going to do the safety protocol in my loudest outdoor voice because we all need to hear me and you all need to get out your pamphlets from the seat pocket in front of you and follow along. Hey!! Seat 5C, get out your pamphlet. You aren't following along. Everyone see the oxygen masks? If you have an infant in your lap and aren't sitting in row 5, 7, 11, 13 or 15 you need to let me know asap and we will switch you. Again those are rows 5, 7, 11, 13 and 15. Everyone hear me? Do I need to repeat those rows? Again, 5, 7, 11, 13 or 15. Alrighty- is everyone having a grand day? I sure am- how's everyone's day? Isn't it gorgeous and aren't we all so blessed to be here today together? I know I feel blessed. I feel blessed because I never get to go further than Texas. I usually fly to Cozumel or Cancun- never to Colorado. We are so lucky to be together".
Whenever I fly I always make sure to bring my headphones. I like the noise reduction quality, a quality that is beyond measure when you are flying with an annoying seat mate or an annoying flight attendant that likes to hear himself speak.
Boudreax made me take out my headphones for his safety demonstration. He also got onto me because I had them plugged into my iPhone which was turned off (Thanks Alec Baldwin) and made me personally show him the phone was indeed turned off as well as the earbuds were NOT plugged in.. I also couldn't put my earbuds in while taking off. Apparently he thinks it will burst your eardrums and he doesn't allow it. WTF. This man was crazy. Once we got air-born and is was "safe" to have earphones in, he told B that he might have to turn me into TSA because I was a "non-compliant" passenger and that it might take a few hours to sort out. I almost flipped out- I cannot stand people on power trips. It makes me border line insane.
So be forewarned friends- If you board an American flight to Cozumel and see a hefty Cajun man smiling like a maniac at you- don't use your headphones. You will get turned into TSA.